’Being open about who you are can help others’

Wellbeing series: Bachelor’s student and president of Compass, Petar Kalinov, is committed to everyone who feels ’different’.

It wasn’t until Petar Kalinov left his home country of Bulgaria that he truly felt free to be himself-and to show that self to the world. While his parents and brother are still unaware that he’s gay, his chosen family embraces him fully. Now, as chair of Compass, the LGBTQIA+ community at TU/e, Petar is a passionate advocate for inclusion. This month, he proudly led the organization of Pride Month on campus.

Petar Kalinov (22) grew up in a small town in the heart of Bulgaria, where anonymity does not exist, and young people often share their lives with parents in one room. "Everyone knows each other there," he says. "That has its charm, but also its limitations. Especially if you don’t fit into the picture."

Petar already knew at eleven that he was attracted to boys, but did not dare to tell anyone. "I knew my parents’ opinion, and that frightened me. I tried to find other labels to fit in, but eventually I came to acceptance thanks to online forums and a good friend who is bisexual herself. She was the first person I dared to tell - when I was eighteen."

Housing shortage and openness

Petar is now studying at the TU/e Department of Built Environment. His path to Eindhoven began with a fascination for architecture, urban systems, and housing shortages. "Even in Bulgaria, where houses are relatively cheap, people struggle with housing because of the low incomes," he says.

In high school, he specialized in geodesy and civil engineering. The desire to make an impact was there from an early age: "I have always had the drive to help others. I felt sorry for peers who had no privacy and no prospects. I wanted to change that."

The first time I told someone I’m gay was terrifying, but also liberating.

Petar Kalinov

After high school, he left for Germany, where he studied at the Technical University of Munich. That’s also where his process of openness began. "It was the first time I told people that I am gay. That was terrifying, but also liberating."

The search for acceptance

This openness within his group of friends starkly contrasts with his family ties. "My parents don’t know I’m gay. My brother probably does, but we don’t talk about it. He has said something about it once, but it was not positive. Bulgaria was an Eastern Bloc country, and our history books still say that homosexuality is a disease."

"What hurts the most is that my parents love me for who they think I am. But if I show who I am, I’m afraid that love will disappear."

It makes the balance between his academic success, of which his parents are proud, and his true identity fragile. Still, Petar remains hopeful. "They’re still my parents. I hope to tell them when I’m emotionally and financially stable one day. Until then, I am building my self-chosen family."

Compassion and community

Petar found a family with his childhood friend in Bulgaria, his partner, the friends he made at TUM, and here at TU/e. "For me, home is the place where I feel loved. Whether that’s in Eindhoven, in Germany, or at my boyfriend’s in Belgium - it’s not about the country, it’s about the people."

For me, home is the place where I feel loved. It’s not about the country, it’s about the people.

Petar Kalinov

In Eindhoven, Petar decided to join Compass , TU/e’s LGBTQIA+ community. His motivation to become active at Compass partly stemmed from a confrontational moment in the gym, when two compatriots spoke condescendingly about diversity policy in the Netherlands.

"They said that you only get work if you are ’a faggot or a stupid woman’. I was furious. That was the moment I decided I wanted to get involved. For the people who dare to speak out, but also for those who don’t dare to do so yet."

Petar focuses on making love and identity visible. "Sometimes it’s enough if people feel seen one day a year. If someone says after a Compass activity: ’Thank you, I feel heard’ - that means the world to me."

Petar’s tips

- Does your family not accept you? Ensure you gather a self-chosen family that accepts you for who you are.

- Are you looking for a listening ear? Maybe Confidential Peer Support is something for you. They are students who help other students.

- For spiritual help, personal development, and life questions, you can always contact TINT.

- TU/e offers many helplines for students. Take advantage of that!

- And of course, you are welcome to join Compass.

Why Pride is still necessary

Although the Netherlands is known for tolerance, Petar emphasizes that acceptance is not self-evident. "Maybe it is in terms of sexuality, but when it comes to gender identity, for example, there is still a lot to be gained here."

"I know students who suppress their femininity or masculinity for their parents. They remove their piercings and change into a neutral outfit when they go home. Compass is there for them. To show that they are not alone."

I’m not the type to dance at a Pride parade. I prefer to let others shine, but I am there to show that it is necessary.

Petar Kalinov

The Eindhoven Pride parade, in which members of Compass participated last Saturday, does not mean building a party for Petar. "I’m not the type to dance at a Pride parade. I’m the one with a yellow vest and a walkie-talkie who makes sure everything runs safely. I prefer to let others shine, but I am there to show that it is necessary."

He mentions a recent incident in which a student was assaulted after an event, purely because he was wearing a rainbow sticker. "He wasn’t even gay, but showed solidarity. The fact that people are still being beaten for that shows why we still need Pride - as a celebration and as a protest."

Burst of energy

For Petar, taking part in the Pride parade was a huge burst of energy. "There were so many happy people in the city supporting us just by being there. I had lots of great conversations with people along the sidelines. They also appreciated the day, the unity, the feeling of being strong together. It was an amazing feeling."

Petar was moved by the reaction of a TU/e alumnus who was watching from the sidelines on Saturday and was pleasantly surprised that TU/e was participating in the parade with a group. "He was moved to tears that his university is so openly supporting our community. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for him back when he was studying here."

Hope for the future

Petar’s dreams go beyond Compass and personal acceptance. He wants to work for affordable housing, sustainability, and social justice in Europe. "The construction sector is responsible for enormous emissions. With my architecture and urban planning background, I want to do something about that."

What does he hope for the LGBTQIA+ community? "That people feel safe to be open, that mental health becomes negotiable, that we break through our frameworks and make real contact. Find your association, have coffee with a friend, build connections - that’s what it’s all’about in the end."

And for those who struggle with their identity or the acceptance of family, he has clear advice: "Make sure you become emotionally and financially independent. Find love in others first and give it back. Love is not a possession, it is something you share."